So, while we are all waiting for sentencing, let's talk about that gchat between Travis Alexander and Jodi Arias. For anybody who missed it, here is a link from Juror13
The timing alone makes it fascinating to me. This gchat is dated May 26, 2008. Just nine days before Jodi viciously slaughtered Travis in his own home. Two days after this chat was the bogus burglary where the gun was stolen from her grandparents' home where she lived.
During the guilt phase of the trial, many of Travis's words from this chat were used against him, in an effort by the defense team to prove what a terrible guy Travis was and how terribly mean he was to Jodi, and inferring therefore that is why he deserved to die and we should let poor abused Jodi go home.
Sorry, nobody believes the abuse anymore than they would believe those forged letters.
For the defense team it was easy to take things from this heated chat out of context and cherry-pick words and phrases in order to support their theory and their version of events. Travis was emotional and upset, and as usual Jodi was as cool as a cucumber. Jodi and all her "experts", specifically Laviolette, made sure that we would not forget Travis's words, yet all the while they neglected to mention that this chat illustrates with certainty that Jodi is guilty of manipulation and many many offenses against an exasperated Travis who was endlessly forgiving her for her lies and antics. I remember when it was first presented, in bits and pieces, and I remember being surprised that Travis would say such things. I wondered what had happened? Why was he so angry?
U r freaking pathetic
U r worthless
U r shit
You are a 3 hole wonder
You are a rotten lunatic
Corrupted carcas
What a freaking whore
Travis to Jodi: "I have never dealt with a more solid form of evil"
Some of the most memorable ones, while seemingly cruel at first, turned out to describe Jodi perfectly and precisely, and are totally understandable when looking at the big picture. Jodi had not yet murdered Travis, but she was already killing him. Travis's words are chilling and prophetic. He tells her she is killing him, murdering him from the inside out, and stabbing him in the back. He tells her it is her own fault that her life sucks.
Travis to Jodi: "I don't think you care if I live or die."
As I read through this chat for the first time from beginning to end I blew through it quickly, curious to get the inside scoop on what may have gone down and led up to his murder.
My initial reaction and overall feeling after reading this exchange was Oh my god. Poor Travis.
I went back and read it again and again. Referencing in my mind and in my heart all the things I came to know throughout this trial.
Travis to Jodi: "Why did you manipulate me into loving you?"
You only showed that you hated me. Never love.
Only hate.
Couldn't you ever try to love me?
I loved someone who never existed.
I was surprised by how sad it made me, especially knowing the outcome. All these harsh words were not coming from anger at all, but from despair, desperation, and hopelessness. How could any of the "experts" look at this, having reviewed so many journals, texts, emails and the like and conclude that Travis was the abuser? Absolutely ludicrous and total nonsense! He tries so hard to just make it stop and she reels him in time and again. He asks her a question and she will not answer. He asks another question and she starts her pity-party. He asks her to explain her actions and she talks about herself. He asks her to tell the truth and she starts her monologue about sex. She almost had him too, a few times, he was easily distracted when she spoke of pleasing him.
From the beginning of this whole mess of a trial, through her testimony, shenanigans and lies, and through this neverending penalty phase retrial, we have all had a window into the frustration that Travis must have felt, dealing with and being tormented by this woman who only cares about herself.
Travis was so lost and even admitted to being helpless and trapped in her web. He tells her she is ruining his life, and he is addicted to her. He tells her "ok Jodi you win". He was hopelessly ensnared. He is trying with all his might to break the pattern of their vicious destructive cycle. He didnt want any apologies, because he knew apologies would lead him to forgive again, and ultimately be betrayed and hurt again. All he wanted from her was for her to admit that she was NOT sorry, not one bit. That her actions were purposeful. He wanted her to admit that she was not sorry for repeatedly hurting him and destroying him. If she could only give him those 3 little words "I'm not sorry" then maybe, just maybe, he could begin to separate himself from the grasp she had on him. He could be freed from her cage and have his new beginning, but she had to unlock the cage first.
Travis to Jodi: "I thought I might break away this time but you knew that I couldn't."
This chat for me put the entire relationship into one conversation. Whenever she was cornered, Jodi would dodge questions, stroke travis's ego, and belittle herself or say she deserved nothing. For me, this was not because she was submssive as her experts suggested, but because it was her most efficient method of manipulation. Get pity from him because he was a sucker for that. My thought is that his upbringing would cause him to always see the best even in the worst of people. As much of a confident guy Travis seemed to be, a peek into his journals and into his past shows us that he just wanted to be loved and accepted. His ego was broken from a very young age, and the funny-guy Travis that everyone saw on the outside was likely a way for him to hide his broken ego and keep hidden that he was hurting inside. I'm no psychologist nor expert, but from my experience in life, some of the funniest and most adorable people I know are "broken". They use humor to get through it. His childhood was so abusive that he forgave Jodi again and again and again. He bought what she was selling: someone who was abusing him (Jodi) really did love him (not) afterall. Jodi would always turn it around and tell him that she didn't deserve to live, he had a bright future, she was despicable, he was blessed, she deserved nothing, and he deserved so much better.
Jodi to Travis: "You are like an angel that gets snared by my evil influences."
U slashed my tires
U stole my journal
U hacked into my email
When I first started following this trial I didn't know anything about Travis or Jodi or anything about the case. Just like a juror, (or I guess a juror with the priveledge of tv, news, internet) I could have been swayed in either direction depending on how the story unfolded. Well, the story unfolded alright, and we know who the victim was here.
Jodi to Travis: "I may be a liar, I may be a whore, I may be evil, I may be a coward, I may not be worth the air I breathe, I am most likely the most horrible person you've ever had the misfortune of knowing, but one thing I am NOT, is violent*."
(*Note: Except on the day that I murdered you, does that count?)
Im gonna forgive u and ur gonna do it again
And im gonna forgive u and ur gonna do it again
Travis: Why cant u reward me for trusting in you over and over again?
Jodi: Because there is no excuse for me to be alive.
Travis: Have you forgotten what is like to be human?
Jodi: Perhaps.
And we are left w Travis's words to Jodi:
Why? Let me tell you why. Because you only care about Jodi.
Then again, maybe Jodi was chatting with herself and none of this is real. As shady and manipulative as she has been from that first interrogation with Flores, first TV interview, and ridiculous Manifesto, she was a pretentious deceptive self-serving piece of work from the very beginning. Nothing would surprise me at this point. Sadly nobody but Jodi knows the truth, and she is never ever going to give it to us. The question remains, what set Travis off? What had she done this time? We can only imagine.
April 13 cant come soon enough. How much you wanna bet there will be more delays? I'm just gonna go with yes there will be delays. That way if there are none, I will be pleasantly surprised, and if there are I will not be disappointed. #Justice4TravisAlexander has been a long time coming, but justice comes in so many ways and in many guises. I trust that the universe will take care of it.
"I was a good guy" ~Travis Alexander
I completely agree. He did a good job holding it together.There were parts where I got chills. He was direct & firm. She was all over the place. She was trying all of her tricks. Poor me, I'm Worthless, I should kill myself to remember when I did xxxx to you? You described the content perfectly.Thank you, Carmen
ReplyDeleteYes, I saw those same things..how correct you are! Wonderful insight! Great work, CARMEN! I love the way you have with words, and love your blog posts!
ReplyDeleteVery well written. I also saw what you have written, but I could not put it together as well as you have. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis all makes me very sad too, Carmen. Too bad Travis did not seek help for his own hidden issues that allowed him to become a victim of Jodi Arias. He was a victim twice, once by parents who were supposed to love him, and once by Jodi who was also supposed to love him. No doubt he shared his innermost fears and desires with her, and she wove those into her web. She took pleasure in his pain, that is obvious in this chat and the way she brutally murdered him. She was getting a thrill from controlling a man she knew she did not deserve. Travis saw through her, but he had no self-control when it came to her. She dirtied him so much, he probably thought he wasn't fit for any "good" woman after her. He didn't want to be wrong about her, but he knew in his heart he was wrong about her. He probably thought "if someone would just give her a chance, build her up, make her feel good about herself, she could be a good woman." I think he found her cheating on him several times and knew that would never be the case. That's where all the hurt came from, her inability to be faithful to any one or any thing, be it a man, a religion, an education, a job, her family --- she tossed every single thing in the trash and saw nothing through to completion. The very fact that she could do what she has done throughout this trial without an ounce of remorse is astounding, I don't want to believe those people really exist. But they do. They exist in your neighborhood, on your Twitter, in your workplace and even in your church. So beware good people and do not doubt the "evil that lurks in the hearts of wo/men". Look for the signs and don't talk yourself out of believing they are capable of doing you harm. They are.
ReplyDeleteI agree Truly! We all usually tend to believe that other people are just as honest, true and loving as we ourselves are. While there have been times I've cursed my own "Iowa naivety" at times, it is perhaps that very same thing that has kept me sane thru all of the challenges in life that I've faced...and still held on to my belief that tomorrow will bring a better day...
DeleteSo perfectly written each and every point. Down to the chilling details. Well done
ReplyDeleteI found myself reading this tonight, because just like when it started, i found myself obsessed with the Jodia Arias trial, and years today, it is one of the most compelling cases on the last couple of years. But, there was much that i missed, like these chats. I was looking for the solid answer as to why Travis was so angry, maybe from his chat, but someone stated on the chat here that what might have angered Travis so much this: "All the hurt came from, her inability to be faithful to any one or any thing, be it a man, a religion, an education, a job, her family --- she tossed every single thing in the trash and saw nothing through to completion"....I really do believe that is what this chat might have been about, apart from all the lies, betrayals,and lack of respect to his privacy. So when she realized that Travis was just to emotionally drained, devoured, and jaded to be controlled anymore, she knew she lost the manipulation, the control, the "war" so to speak....she couldn't bare with that, so she orchestrated her evil plan to drive out to Arizona to kill him. Thanks for the Blog, it was cool to read all the insight. Who hear also believes Jodi and Scott Peterson deserve each other?, they could be the narcissistic couple from HELL lol, goodnight.
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