Life is a gift

So, in case you didn't know, Twitter exploded. Everyone is about to lose their minds while we all wait for April 13 and the judge's ruling for Jodi Arias's sentencing. Just imagine how unbearable the wait must be for the Alexander family. It's a reminder of what matters. It's a reminder that today is a gift, and that we should be thankful and kind to each other.

#Justice4Travis

There are thousands of really incredible people out there that any one tweeter may cross paths with. But just like a yard sale, you have to rummage through lots of garbage to find the good stuff and the hidden gems. You have to test the waters and weed out the ones that are abusive or self-righteous or too vulgar for your taste. Amazing people with similar interests and quick wit are all out there just waiting for you to meet. It is so fun to make new friends and have genuine sincere and sometimes hilarious conversations with for hours. Every kind of people you can imagine, a rainbow of personalities, where it is your prerogative to befriend or not to befriend. To exchange or not to exchange ideas, share jokes, news, stories, adventures, far-away places, recipes, cocktails, or a picture of your cat...

Then you get to the serious stuff, the real life stuff that reminds me every day how lucky and blessed I am in my life and how thankful I am. You see real heartache and fear. You can feel it. People reaching out. I have seen the recent tweets from Corrina Flores, Detective Flores's wife, who is grieving the loss of their young darling son Tony and she barely has the strength to make it one day at a time. Her pain is palpable. It is so heart-wrenching to even imagine trying to survive the tragedy of losing a child. It must be simply surreal, almost an out-of-body experience every morning when she wakes up.

I saw a poor woman who was upset because her mother was having some serious surgery and she was very worried whether or not she would pull through. I see domestic abuse survivors, fragile yet incredibly strong women sharing stories through both humor and tears, about the horrific and violent things they and their children have lived through. I've seen cancer survivors, people who have had a loved-one murdered, someone whose home burned to the ground, someone who lost her husband in a tornado, people fighting against abuse and bullying, injustices and discrimination of race or sexual-orientation. And through it all I have met and seen so many beautiful, wonderful and caring people who lift each other up, send love and well-wishes, are a shoulder to cry on, and pray for one-another. These people are the other reason that I enjoy twitter. These are the ones who restore my faith in humanity. Caring people. Strong people. Smart people. Kind people.

Meanwhile others are busy insulting and cussing at strangers and tearing each other down. This goes beyond the sport of bantering with trolls. I don't really understand the whole troll game, I don't get what is fun about exchanging insults and profanities and threats. I can't comprehend why anyone would even engage in any type of conversation with people who are obviously enjoying pissing you off. And it goes even further, when a silent or otherwise dormant troll is provoked via various means such as direct tweets mentioning them by name, blog posts and comments, and fake Twitter accounts dedicated to hate. It really is just a big stupid game in my eyes. A total waste of time. A cesspool. I dont think it is funny at all, i think it is repulsive.

I don't know about you, but I have witnessed some deplorable and ridiculous behavior all over the internet. So many lost souls. It seems that some attention-seeking people enjoy conflict and provoking toxic exchanges. I feel like so many people have lost touch with what is important. 

Maybe I am naïve? Maybe Jodi is contagious? We know that everyone and everything she touches is destroyed and corrupted, kind of like the opposite of the Midas touch. Perhaps all of us who have been watching and who have invested ourselves and our hearts and our time in this trial have been dirtied. 

This the dark side of the not-trolls. These are the self-proclaimed troll deputies who try to boss you around and tell you who you should or should not befriend. They bark orders about how you are allowed to speak and who you are allowed to speak to and what questions you are allowed to ask. 

They are constantly reminding you of their importance and social status. These are the tweeters who think they rule the twitterverse, or even the world Ah! Ah! Ah! who use all kinds of strategies to make themselves seem much more influential than they really are. 

These folks are very cliquey and mean and if you don't pass the test you are quickly and publicly ridiculed and accused of being a liar, a traitor, a bitch, a Jodi Arias supporter, somebody that you are not, or having an "agenda". It's narcissistic and paranoid to think that I give a damn about what you think or how many followers you have. Recently someone who knows absolutely nothing about me accused me on Twitter of being a liar and of bashing disabled children. What if I told you I have a disabled child. You don't know, do you? So stop judging others and acting like you are better than they are. You are not. Far from it.

Then there are the really sneaky mean ones. The ones who act like they are the victim. The ones who never own-up to their deplorable behavior and say "who me?" The ones who are obviously so miserable in their own lives that they waste away their lives hating others. The ones who will never learn. The ones who poison themselves with their own venom.

I've seen lots of new strangely suspicious twitter eggs coming in and lots of accounts being suspended. Funny how when an enemy is suspended it's because they deserved it. But when you get suspended it's "not fair" and you "didn't do anything". Funny how when you are rightly accused of dragging people into your twitter wars you chime in "yeah! I hate those assholes that do that!" What a joke. Your tweets go unanswered by your high-profile alleged besties and yet you continue to try to make yourself relevant. And the weak-minded who aren't paying attention follow right along. I have learned on twitter how gullible and easily mis-led otherwise sweet or cool-cat people can be. These followers are just looking for someone to follow.

Funny how it's all just some kind of big popularity contest. The more followers you have, the more important you are. I don't buy that. A quote Ive seen online that sums it up is "Hitler had millions of followers, Jesus only had 12."

It's a matter of quality not quantity. I did a quick case study and randomly selected 1000 followers from somebody who brags about their "thousands of followers" and was surprised (not really) to see that nearly 60% were either purchased follow bots, auto followers, spam, corporations, fake, parody or duplicate accounts, inactive, or otherwise bogus.

To finish, I present to you an excellent video to ponder. I have posted this before in tweets, but I think it is so true and I want to share it again here. This is my favorite French musical artist, Stromae (get it? Maestro), who has a song that just happens to be called "Carmen". There are subtitles but they do not do it justice, so i have also included a full translation. The song is called Carmen because Stromae is my boyfriend and he wrote the song for me all about my pursuit of justice and kindness on the internet. Haha no, of course I'm just kidding, it is called Carmen because the lyrics mirror those of the classic opera Carmen. I played the video for my young son, and asked him what he thought the lesson was. He said "Beware, and don't be corrupted by social media!" He's a smart kid. <3

Limk to video : http://youtu.be/UKftOH54iNU

Lyrics :

Why do you always lie?

So, while we are all waiting for sentencing, let's talk about that gchat between Travis Alexander and Jodi Arias. For anybody who missed it, here is a link from Juror13 

https://juror13lw.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/ja-and-ta-may-26-2008-gmail-chat-transcribed2.pdf

The timing alone makes it fascinating to me. This gchat is dated May 26, 2008. Just nine days before Jodi viciously slaughtered Travis in his own home. Two days after this chat was the bogus burglary where the gun was stolen from her grandparents' home where she lived. 

During the guilt phase of the trial, many of Travis's words from this chat were used against him, in an effort by the defense team to prove what a terrible guy Travis was and how terribly mean he was to Jodi, and inferring therefore that is why he deserved to die and we should let poor abused Jodi go home. 

Sorry, nobody believes the abuse anymore than they would believe those forged letters.

For the defense team it was easy to take things from this heated chat out of context and cherry-pick words and phrases in order to support their theory and their version of events. Travis was emotional and upset, and as usual Jodi was as cool as a cucumber. Jodi and all her "experts", specifically Laviolette, made sure that we would not forget Travis's words, yet all the while they neglected to mention that this chat illustrates with certainty that Jodi is guilty of manipulation and many many offenses against an exasperated Travis who was endlessly forgiving her for her lies and antics. I remember when it was first presented, in bits and pieces, and I remember being surprised that Travis would say such things. I wondered what had happened? Why was he so angry?

U r freaking pathetic

U r worthless

U r shit

You are a 3 hole wonder

You are a rotten lunatic

Corrupted carcas

What a freaking whore

Travis to Jodi: "I have never dealt with a more solid form of evil"

Some of the most memorable ones, while seemingly cruel at first, turned out to describe Jodi perfectly and precisely, and are totally understandable when looking at the big picture. Jodi had not yet murdered Travis, but she was already killing him. Travis's words are chilling and prophetic. He tells her she is killing him, murdering him from the inside out, and stabbing him in the back. He tells her it is her own fault that her life sucks.

Travis to Jodi: "I don't think you care if I live or die."

As I read through this chat for the first time from beginning to end I blew through it quickly, curious to get the inside scoop on what may have gone down and led up to his murder. 

My initial reaction and overall feeling after reading this exchange was Oh my god. Poor Travis.

I went back and read it again and again. Referencing in my mind and in my heart all the things I came to know throughout this trial.

Travis to Jodi: "Why did you manipulate me into loving you?"

You only showed that you hated me. Never love. 

Only hate.

Couldn't you ever try to love me?

I loved someone who never existed.

I was surprised by how sad it made me, especially knowing the outcome. All these harsh words were not coming from anger at all, but from despair, desperation, and hopelessness. How could any of the "experts" look at this, having reviewed so many journals, texts, emails and the like and conclude that Travis was the abuser? Absolutely ludicrous and total nonsense! He tries so hard to just make it stop and she reels him in time and again. He asks her a question and she will not answer. He asks another question and she starts her pity-party. He asks her to explain her actions and she talks about herself. He asks her to tell the truth and she starts her monologue about sex. She almost had him too, a few times, he was easily distracted when she spoke of pleasing him. 

From the beginning of this whole mess of a trial, through her testimony, shenanigans and lies, and through this neverending penalty phase retrial, we have all had a window into the frustration that Travis must have felt, dealing with and being tormented by this woman who only cares about herself. 

Travis was so lost and even admitted to being helpless and trapped in her web. He tells her she is ruining his life, and he is addicted to her. He tells her "ok Jodi you win". He was hopelessly ensnared. He is trying with all his might to break the pattern of their vicious destructive cycle. He didnt want any apologies, because he knew apologies would lead him to forgive again, and ultimately be betrayed and hurt again. All he wanted from her was for her to admit that she was NOT sorry, not one bit. That her actions were purposeful. He wanted her to admit that she was not sorry for repeatedly hurting him and destroying him. If she could only give him those 3 little words "I'm not sorry" then maybe, just maybe, he could begin to separate himself from the grasp she had on him. He could be freed from her cage and have his new beginning, but she had to unlock the cage first.

Travis to Jodi: "I thought I might break away this time but you knew that I couldn't."

This chat for me put the entire relationship into one conversation. Whenever she was cornered, Jodi would dodge questions, stroke travis's ego, and belittle herself or say she deserved nothing. For me, this was not because she was submssive as her experts suggested, but because it was her most efficient method of manipulation. Get pity from him because he was a sucker for that. My thought is that his upbringing would cause him to always see the best even in the worst of people. As much of a confident guy Travis seemed to be, a peek into his journals and into his past shows us that he just wanted to be loved and accepted. His ego was broken from a very young age, and the funny-guy Travis that everyone saw on the outside was likely a way for him to hide his broken ego and keep hidden that he was hurting inside. I'm no psychologist nor expert, but from my experience in life, some of the funniest and most adorable people I know are "broken". They use humor to get through it. His childhood was so abusive that he forgave Jodi again and again and again. He bought what she was selling: someone who was abusing him (Jodi) really did love him (not) afterall. Jodi would always turn it around and tell him that she didn't deserve to live, he had a bright future, she was despicable, he was blessed, she deserved nothing, and he deserved so much better.

Jodi to Travis: "You are like an angel that gets snared by my evil influences."

U slashed my tires

U stole my journal

U hacked into my email

When I first started following this trial I didn't know anything about Travis or Jodi or anything about the case. Just like a juror, (or I guess a juror with the priveledge of tv, news, internet) I could have been swayed in either direction depending on how the story unfolded. Well, the story unfolded alright, and we know who the victim was here.

Jodi to Travis: "I may be a liar, I may be a whore, I may be evil, I may be a coward, I may not be worth the air I breathe, I am most likely the most horrible person you've ever had the misfortune of knowing, but one thing I am NOT, is violent*."

(*Note: Except on the day that I murdered you, does that count?)

Im gonna forgive u and ur gonna do it again

And im gonna forgive u and ur gonna do it again

Travis: Why cant u reward me for trusting in you over and over again?

Jodi: Because there is no excuse for me to be alive.

Travis: Have you forgotten what is like to be human?

Jodi: Perhaps.

And we are left w Travis's words to Jodi:

Why? Let me tell you why. Because you only care about Jodi.

Then again, maybe Jodi was chatting with herself and none of this is real. As shady and manipulative as she has been from that first interrogation with Flores, first TV interview, and ridiculous Manifesto, she was a pretentious deceptive self-serving piece of work from the very beginning. Nothing would surprise me at this point. Sadly nobody but Jodi knows the truth, and she is never ever going to give it to us. The question remains, what set Travis off? What had she done this time? We can only imagine.

April 13 cant come soon enough. How much you wanna bet there will be more delays? I'm just gonna go with yes there will be delays. That way if there are none, I will be pleasantly surprised, and if there are I will not be disappointed. #Justice4TravisAlexander has been a long time coming, but justice comes in so many ways and in many guises. I trust that the universe will take care of it. 

"I was a good guy" ~Travis Alexander

#jodiarias emojstory

#neverforjodi

Birds chirping. Ocean waves crashing. Children laughing. Kitty purring. Stars twinkling. Lying barefoot in the green grass staring up at the blue sky. Dinner by candlelight. Roller skating. Sand inbetween your toes and waves lapping at your feet while searching for seashells. Snow angels. Fine dining. Fireplace crackling. Roasting marshmallows. Puppies. Flowers blooming everywhere and the first signs of Spring. Gardening. Windchimes. Majestic fountains. Cobblestone streets. Castles. Family gatherings and group hugs. Sailboats. Mountains. Goldfish. Chinese take-out. Hair salon. Day spa. Bubble bath. Friends' weddings. Your wedding. Being a wife. Being a mother. Camping. Hiking. Taking a leisurely walk down a winding country road. Riding a bike and coasting all the way down the hill. Sloppy dog kisses. Balloons and confetti. Decorating your Christmas tree. Waking up Christmas morning to presents under the tree. Christmas shopping for everyone on the list. Raging rivers and babbling brooks. Open space. Fields. Forests. Deserts. Admiring sculpture, paintings, art, and history in museums. Monuments. Restaurants. Motorcycles. Minigolf. Horses. Sledding. Packing lunch for your children and giving them a quick kiss as you send them off to school. Shopping for a new outfit. Farmers market. Champagne. Cinnabon. Strawberry frappucino. Lace. Aromatherapy. Smartphone. New car. Road trip. Disneyland. Eiffel tower. Cruiseship. Cancun. Fireworks. Going to the State fair. Rollercoasters. Kissing your sweetheart while trapped at the top of the ferris wheel. Lightning bugs. Symphony. Picnics. Surprise parties. Butterflies. Waterfalls. Hot new boots. Sexy strappy summer sandals. Bed and breakfast. College education. Ceiling fan. Hardwood floors. Pretty necklace. Camera. Rainbow. Snowman. Amphitheatre concert under the moonlight. Telescope. Trains. Skinny dipping. Food truck rodeo. Seagulls and sanderlings. Church. Choir singing. Babies. Backyard barbeque. Cheese fondu. Fishnet stockings. Snorkeling. King size bed. Travelling. Trick or treating. Seeing all the neighborhood kids dressed up for Halloween. Tailgating with friends at a football game. Oyster roasts. Dinner parties. Thanksgiving surrounded by family and loved ones. Riding the subway and dropping some cash in the violin case because wow she could play that was beautiful. Hanging out with your brother because you've grown so close. Girls night out with your sister. Perfume. Cool new sunglasses. Tank tops. Licking chocolate off the beaters after making homemade chocolate cake. A nice simple lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and some quality time together, at grandma's house. Browsing at the flea market. Street musicians. Sidewalk cafés. Shooting stars. Swingsets, slides, and playgrounds. Ticklefight with your niece and nephew. Cute earrings. A hug from dad. Waterparks. All-inclusive resorts. Art expos. Dinner and dancing on new year's eve. Jeans that fit like a glove. Wedding anniversary. Jacuzzi tub. Movie theatres. Sunbathing poolside with a frozen daquiri. Lazily floating in the pool on a raft on the hottest day of summer. Weeping willows. Collecting wildflowers. E-mail. Strapless gown. Party dresses. Stilettos. Opening your own mail. Scratch-n-win lottery ticket. Disco ball. Family heirlooms. Teddy bears. Thrift shops. Garden gnomes. Walking out to your mailbox in your slippers. People-watching at the airport. Getting bumped up to first class on your flight. Running into an old friend at the grocery store. Making homemade blueberry pancakes in your pajamas. Staying in bed all morning on a rainy day. Breakfast in bed from your loving husband and darling children on mother's day. Costume parties. Mardi gras. Lingerie. Easter egg hunts. Chinese paper lanterns. Merry-go-rounds. Going out on the lake in a paddle boat and feeding the ducks. Drinking a tall glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade in a rocking chair on your porch. Anywhere other than Goodyear, Arizona. Ordering pizza delivery and kicking back to a great movie on netflix snuggled up to your sweetie on a saturday night. Sunrise over the Atlantic ocean. Sunset over the Pacific ocean. Full moon shining beams of light on the ocean. Socks knit by mom. Down comforter. More pillows than a person could possibly need piled on your bed. Skylights. Tapas. Baby showers. Giving gifts to those you love. The smell of chocolate chip cookies filling your kitchen. Walking on the pier hand-in-hand with your honey. Fresh cut flowers in a pretty vase. Heaven.

Recipe for Justice

Recipe for Justice

1 loving generous guy
1 narcissistic succubus

Add a dash of sex, and a pinch of religion

Blend in

2 best friends

2 ex girlfriends
1 love interest
1 trip to cancun
1 rental car, white
3 gascans
1 box of hair color
1 tbsp KY jelly
1 gun
1 knife
1 camera

1 adorable dog

1 broken-hearted family

Add

1 soft-spoken meticulous detective

1 brilliant passionate prosecutor

Bring to a boil. 

Now put on low and add

1 humongous slimeball

1 screechy willnut, grated

1 quart of chacha 

1/2 cup of sherry

Fold in

1 hot medical examiner

2 or 3 ripe dummies

1 smart cookie

1 bishop

3 computer geeks

Mix all ingredients together and simmer for 7 years. Add lies as needed. 

On the side 

Take 1 mom and throw under bus. Next add a hundred fools, a thousand reporters, a million caring supporters, and a zillion tweets and stir. More may be added for individual taste.

Cover and bring slowly to boiling point.

Pick 18 jurors. Place in collander and rinse with cold water. Carefully remove any that may cause others to spoil until you are left with a dozen. Be careful that the jurors do not mix with the sidedish or they may have to be thrown out. Keep 2 on hand just in case.

To finish, slowly pour the main dish over the jurors into a crockpot and set aside in jury room until the succubus is done. 

Sprinkle with hope and love for garnish.

Serve immediately.

Bon appetit!

J4TA

Just a quick note about today. What a beautiful day of solidarity in the pursuit of #JUSTICEFORTRAVISALEXANDER. So many wonderfully smart and caring people rallying together to show their support. My heart is full of love and hope for his friends and family that soon he may finally rest in peace and soon they may at long last have some form of closure and deliverance from their heartache. My thoughts are with them as this nightmare of a trial is coming to an end. Hold on we're almost there!

Turning the page

Whew. Well last week was exhausting I must admit. There is no reasoning with an impossible person.

Bunny came at me and started attacking others too. Here, on Twitter, and at rbmbs. I guess she didn't like my letter. Then some folks got understandably upset and started dishing it back to her, indirectly, amongst themselves, and she was all like waaaaaaaaaahhh. Poor Bunny. Nobody can say I didn't try. My heart was beating so fast when she was here being mean to me. My first impulse was to be mean back. I was ready to write a really mean spin-off on the really mean parody. I was cracking myself up and ready to roll. It would have been hilarious and satisfying, yet it would have been mean. And that's not me.

I pretty much decided to take my own advice and step away from the mean Bunny. I said what I had to say, and she is so troubled I just don't even want to be responsible for her fur falling out or a little mean bunny heart attack. It is quite apparent that I am only feeding the meanies by allowing them any importance to me. How important do I want them to be in my life? Only I have the power to make that choice.

I hope for Bunny that someday she will be able to let go of all the hate. It is poison. I promise. There are not many certanties in life, but that is one of them.

Bunny might be the meanest of the meanies, but perhaps because she is the most vulnerable. It is apparent that Bunny is trying desperately to recover from her hurt and her hate by writing and promoting hateful things both in her rbmbs blog and in her tweets, thoughts and feelings and delusions that are instantly validated by other meanies and folks who have bought in to the hate parade. As long as her main focus is on hate, I just don't see that recovery from hate working out for her. 

There were some hateful tweets that she did reconsider and delete, I attest. That is a good thing. That showed to me that she is perhaps not as nasty as she portrays, and that she may even be a good person with a conscience and a heart afterall. You might not know what I'm talking about, but she does.

I feel like the reason Bunny's hate has escalated to such heights and the reason that she always compares those who are responsible (in her eyes) for her woes to jodiarias, is largely, if not entirely, the fault of Meanie B. 

Meanie is the one who broke the catfish story in the middle of this emotional and extremely frustrating trial and in such a way that it brought maximum damage, not only to Kelly, but also to Bunny herself, and to everyone involved. Really what does all this matter? Maybe Kelly is who she says she is. Maybe she's not. I just don't understand the hate propoganda. I have faith that karma will iron it all out.

As for Meanie B, mean girls club president, I have already voiced my disgust. I will certainly keep my eye on her for future musings. She is such a good faker. She obviously has nothing better to do than dig up dirt and gossip and try to hurt people all the while promoting herself. It is quite a talent to incite such hate in others, and by the way that isn't a quality that karma likes so much. Meanie is the center of it all, using her fake flowery talk and "superiority" and "facts" to encourage hate and flame the fires of rumor and gossip. I must say I am impressed at Meanie's abilities in the mean and deceptive and self-serving departments. 

Meanie's hat is a puzzle to me, both light and dark and very smart but very controlling. Like the orchestra conductor with her baton. But no instrument of her own.

 All weekend the meanies have been going on and on being mean and patting each other on the back. Each has their own important role in the meanie club. Guess what, I'm bored with your meanness and I have better things to do. People like that do not even deserve my attention. The meanies are seriously obsessed and relentless. And I am seriously over it.

As I was considering what to write about next, last night I decided to turn the page and live by example. I did not want to become what I was condemning or behave like those people that I disapprove of, I don't want to be mean and I'm no bully. I'm just thinking out loud, trying to understand why grown women would act this way. The meanies continue to spend their days, literally hours on end, even after all these weeks, still saying mean things about other people and challenging anyone who does not agree with them. But they do not even challenge with any intelligent debate, they only attack by being mean. They can, and they have proven, that they will continue to do so. Probably for the rest of their something-is-missing lives. They have demonstrated that they have no interest in bettering themselves, because they already believe that they are better than everyone else.

This weekend the Mean girls club started circulating several articles speaking out against cyber bullying!!! What the what?! Are you kidding me? 

That was the final straw that had me come to terms with the fact that they are hopeless. Bunny even ventured to say that "people take the internet much too seriously". Yeah, newsflash, they do you meanie. They are thoughtful intelligent sensitive human beings with feelings and families and weaknesses behind those screennames. But for you, it's just fun to be mean. That's how you get your kicks.

This whole experience has my mind reeling about the whole concept of what makes a person "mean". What makes a person want to intentionally hurt other people? Why do some people think they are more important than others? Why do some people take pleasure in making another person cry? What made me feel the need to stand up against the meanies enough to start this blog? I have a lot of ideas on where I will go from here, but one thing is for sure, I am turning the page. 

Because unlike the meanies, I can.

I spent the day preparing my humble abode to receive my elementary school son's Odyssey of the Mind team tomorrow. What a great group of sweet and smart kids. Children bring such joy to life. Usually we meet up at another mom's house, but I volunteered for tomorrow. I always clean the house top to bottom when somebody who has never come over before is coming over, but this time my guests will include my son's teacher! Meep! My grandmother has told me again and again that her daddy always told her you only have one chance for a first impression. 

After all the preparations at my house, we went over to my Grandad's and saw the whole extended family. The old folks, the grown-ups, the youngins, the children, and the babies. There was so much laughter and love. That's what it's all about. 

So now here I sit, quietly by the fireplace, in my gorgeous and sparkly clean little happy house that I love. Isn't it fabulous to love where you are in life? It really is. Houses are made from brick and stone, but homes are made from love alone. And no meanies can touch that.